Janice’s Story in her Own Words
TRC sat with Janice for a verbal interview about her life which was then transcribed. It has been edited for brevity and clarity, but for the most part these are her own words.
I met my children’s father at the laundromat. I was 14 and he was like eight years older than I was. He offered to take my bags home and he sat down and had a conversation with my mom. My mom, of course, thought he was too old but she said “you can visit her if you come over, maybe you can date her like that, but you can’t take her out.” He wasn’t physically attractive to me but as I got to talking to him, I started liking him. I don’t know who my mom was talking to, but three months into our so-called “relationship,” she told me he could not see me anymore because he’s too old for me. I’m like “how are you going to tell me to like somebody and then say don’t like him? You can’t turn me off liking him.” I started cutting school and going over to his house. He told me “the only way you’re momma’s going to let us be together is if we have a baby.” I got pregnant at 16. My mom put me out and I went to live with his mom because my mom called the police on him. And that’s why my life, it spiraled.
He became my husband and I started hanging out with my in-laws. First, it was drinking, experimenting with marijuana and things like that. I had three children and stayed with him for nine years until he died. It was crazy. It came to the point where he started beating me up. I didn't have anywhere to go. When I found out I was pregnant with my youngest son, I didn't want any more children, but I didn't believe in abortions. So I carried him and I neglected him. My daughter was only four or five would have to feed him. I don’t know why but I didn’t want him. I started feeling sorry for myself and it turned me to heroin.
I took my children over to my mom’s house. She didn’t want nobody but my daughter Jessica so I left my sons on the porch. I used to just think about this and it used to hurt me so much because I thought “what was wrong with me?” I have to acknowledge TRC because even though the rehab program taught me how to not use drugs, it didn’t deal with my inner self. I believe God uses people, and I used to shut myself out from people. “I’m not good enough. Who am I to change? How can I do that to three innocent people?”
Janice and Melvin Ford
I was deep into heroin and then Melvin came into my life. Actually, he was a john. (A “john” in this context refers to a client of a sex worker.) He was in the National Guard stationed in Chicago. I was just walking and you know how guys do. I asked him if he was looking for a date and he said “no, I’m not looking for a date, but I would like to talk to you.” Actually, we started talking. It was crazy because I was raggedy, I was on the street. I wasn’t all put together.
Janice in 1996 in New Life treatment program
I would take his money, stay two or three days away, and every time he would blame himself. He would say “I gave you my credit card. Why would I give you my credit card? I knew what you’re going to do.” I really was sorry, but I couldn’t help myself. He told me he was tired of me doing that to him and if I wanted to really be with him, I needed to get myself together. That was the first time I went into recovery.
It was a two-year program and when I got out, I probably stayed clean for less than six months. I didn't want to stop. I was trying to save my marriage instead of me. I understand that now. That's another thing that I learned here at TRC. People can wish you well, but until you want to do it for yourself, it's not going to go anywhere.
I’ve been in and out of recovery. I had manipulated myself into thinking I was okay. Melvin always made sure the bills were paid so I ain’t have to worry about that. When he would go to work, that would be my opportunity to do what I had to do before he got home. Come back, put on a façade.
Janice and Melvin, after his ALS diagnosis
Melvin and I were together for 16 years before he got sick with ALS and I was still using. When he want into hospice, I checked out. They told me he had six months to live. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do anything, I used to just sit there. Getting high wasn’t an issue, it was the drinking that got me.
His funeral was in 2010. Of course, they did the flag and all that stuff. For about four months on the 10th of each month I got a fifth of vodka and a six pack of beer and went to the cemetery. I sat there all day, I didn’t even talk to him. I just sat there.
Janice at Melvin’s funeral, being presented with the flag
My brother told me to go live with my sister. I was doing well, I even got a job. Once I started getting right, she told me I had to go. I didn’t know where to go, so I checked into a recovery house. I was using recovery houses as shelters because I didn’t want to go to a place where they had rows of people. The last recovery house I went to, they told me I couldn’t come in because I didn’t have any drugs in my system, so go outside and get high and come back. That’s what they told me, so I didn’t want to go there. What if I don’t make it back?
I ended up with James (his real name has been changed) because I was looking for somewhere to stay. All we did was drink. He isolated me from my children and convinced me that nobody cared about me.
A church that took in troubled women told me about TRC. I moved in to Renaissance Apartments in 2016. Even here at TRC, I used to drink. I had gotten to the point where I didn’t like getting high anymore. I knew I wasn’t supposed to have drinks but James used to come over here and bring beers to my unit. When we were caught, they banned him and I was put on the no-visitation list.
That’s when I want to Atlas, the most recent time I was in treatment. I guess I was angry. I knew that if I didn’t get myself together, I would die. I had been falling drunk. I felt ugly. I got all these scars and all this stuff on my face. I didn't have scars and stuff on my face until I met this man. It made me feel little, I didn't want to come outside. I didn't want to talk to people.
I got a rude awakening in 2021. I call it my rebirthing. I had been going to James’ house for two years after he was banned. He wanted me to come over on Valentine’s Day but I was working that day so I asked if we could do Wednesday instead. He said he had something else to do and I was so afraid I was going to lose him that I said I’d come over. When I got there, he had two big ol’ bottles of champagne, bigger than the regular ones. He said “one for me and one for you.” I drank that whole bottle of champagne and when I woke up the next morning I was still intoxicated. I don’t know if he put something in it, he was that type of person. I felt like I needed to get out of there.
He said “you’re not going nowhere until you give me some.” He grabbed me and tried to rape me. I hit him with a stick, he made wood canes. I didn’t know it back then because I left, but I had busted his eye. I remember calling my sister because I couldn’t even make it to the fence. She called me an Uber. When I got home, I couldn’t even lay down because I felt like the room was spinning. I just had this feeling, this man is no good for me. For real, I was like “that’s enough.” After my recuperation, I went back to school to get my GED. I started going on with my life. Then on April 8th, the police came and locked me up. I wore an ankle monitor for a year and 8 months.
I sat my tail down and started listening and following instructions. I’ve been here for six years and I’m just getting off my feet. Actually, I like it. I’m interacting with my community (certain people, of course) and it feels good to be around people that are not judgmental. When I come to groups, they’re teaching me about self-care, they’re teaching me how to care about myself, to know my worth, and if I need help, don’t be afraid to ask.
I'm now looking forward to becoming employed. I'm working very closely with the Employment & Education Manager. I’m going to go back to school and finish my GED. I was four months into the program, but I didn't feel right going with the band on my leg. That's embarrassing.
I know exactly what I want to do. I want to work with seniors and people with disabilities to be a companion. That's what I'm moving toward now. I'm getting old, I don’t need a job. I’ve had jobs. I want something stable that I like doing. I learned from Melvin that’s something I really enjoy doing.
I’m starting to feel good about myself. I’m getting back on track. So far, I’m on a narrow path.
Janice and her grandson Eric
My Grandchildren
I lost my oldest daughter to Covid-19 in May of 2020. My daughter was more of a role model to me. She didn’t care what I did, she loved me. People used to tell her not to bring her kids to my house but I was her babysitter. I had one rule, no drinking. Drinking really wasn’t on my mind when I was with my grandkids.
When Jessica passed away, her kids scattered. Her two oldest went with their other grandma and I was staying in Jessica’s house so I could figure out what to do with Jasmine and Eric. Eventually her landlord told me either I had to pay rent or I had to go. I tried to get assistance from welfare to help me get housing. I’m still on the waiting list. So, my sister got Jasmine. I told Eric’s dad he had to get him and build a relationship with his son. Even though Eric was only 5, he still remembers his dad leaving when he was 3. I had to literally beg him to get his son or they would take him away.
Right now, Eric is in school. I have three overnights a week so I get him those three days. He loves coming over here. He knows almost everyone in the building. If people don't see Eric, they always ask “where that little boy at? How is your grandson?”
Janice is just one example of a person your donation today will help in the upcoming year, but there are up to 200 residents in TRC buildings each year with equally compelling stories and accomplishments.
